I am Going to Clone Myself Then Kill the Clone and Eat It

!!> KINDLE ❄ I am Going to Clone Myself Then Kill the Clone and Eat It ❁ Author Sam Pink – Johndore.co.uk
  • Paperback
  • 168 pages
  • I am Going to Clone Myself Then Kill the Clone and Eat It
  • Sam Pink
  • English
  • 14 May 2019

About the Author: Sam Pink

Sam Pink is the author of The No Hellos Diet, Hurt Others, I Am Going to Clone Myself Then Kill the Clone and Eat It, Frowns Need Friends Too, and the cult hit Person His writing has been published widely in print and on the internet, and also in other languages He lives in Chicago, where he plays in the band Depressed Woman.


I am Going to Clone Myself Then Kill the Clone and Eat ItThe Holy Bible Of Bad Feelings Returns Longtime Bipolar Idiot Sam Pink Brings You Right Back To The Beginning With This Remastered Edition Of His First Underground Hit Find Out Why It Would Be Great To Get Accidentally Killed By A Bus Find Out How To Perform Hardcore Sex And Never Have Any Fun Find Out Why It Would Be Better If Your Mom Was A Ugandan Hooker And Find Out How To Fill Your Mouth With Confetti Before Blowing Your Own Head Off.Because A Dead Horse Isn T Ever Fully Beaten Because When You Get To Hell There Will Be A Seat Saved For You Because You Can T Afford Too Many Hellos Because Every Time You Come Home, You Stand In The Door Way And Think, It S Time For A Monster To Eat Me Now And Then A Monster Eats You Be Brave Enough To Read This Book.Be Brave Enough To Clone Yourself Then Kill The Clone And Eat It.

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10 thoughts on “I am Going to Clone Myself Then Kill the Clone and Eat It

  1. karen says:

    You will be my friend until I say something to you in person that frightens you.that s pretty much what you need to know going into this book it is a collection of poetic musings by a bipolar writer that really captures the highs and the lows, and expresses them in a way that feels claustrophobic but also fresh and lovely, even when the subject matter does in fact become frighteningthere are moments of desperate tenderness I wish I were the person you imagine yourself to be because then you dYou will be my friend until I say something to you in person that frightens you.that s pretty much what you need to know going into this book it is a collection of poetic musings by a bipolar writer that really captures the highs and the lows, and expresses them in a way that feels claustrophobic but also fresh and lovely, even when the subject matter does in fact become frighteningthere are moments of desperate tenderness I wish I were the person you imagine yourself to be because then you d love me and never let me go. Every new relationship is made of cotton and I am a bee that is on fire, lost and ready to land. When I touch my face to yours, I think, This is our first mistakeI m looking for someone to spend time withbut I can t afford too many hellos.self loathing And I saw my reflection in a lake and I waited for it to freeze a little bit so I could break it with my boot. My ideal date would involve painful silence My ideal date wouldn t involve me. If I ever decide to shoot myself, I ll make sure to stuff my mouth with confetti, so it looks pretty for no one. And I lie down on your carpet so long that you think I will stay forever but I get up and I see the indentation in the carpet and I get jealous and say, I am no longer needed here and flat out aggression And I fill my mouth with mud and put broken sticks in the mud and while you watch TV I bite you and bruise your arms and leave my name and address by the bruises so people know who gave them to you. Sometimes I wish I was a hair on your body because then I could be close to you but not have to say anything.And sometimes I wish you were a hair on my body so I could cut you with a razor and not get in trouble. Turn you around and hug you And slowly slip a knife through your back so it comes out the front and pierces me and we die connected. After I jump kick your face, I will kiss it There will be many kisses an amount that eventually becomes annoying and vaguely frightening. And your broken skull is not a puzzle, it s just garbage. Until I die, the world is the yard, composed of hands reaching up to shake mine.And I am the lawnmower.but then there will be funny little stories like this one At the DMV, while I waited for my new license to be printed, a lady walked in with a stroller At the same time, I noticed a sign on the wall that read No eating or drinking I turned to the lady and motioned to her kid Excuse me ma am read the sign, I said Then I realized she wasn t going to eat the kid, she was just watching it or whatever But you never know.i really loved this collection i also love john frusciante and i think if you listen to niandra lades and usually just a t shirt while reading I smash my smile against yours my favorite piece in the book , you could actually catch bipolar disorder with no previous disposition and then you could write like this Lie down it s time for me to walk over you and call you a bridge I no longer need.come to my blog

  2. Greg says:

    Not so much a review, as a series of quotes from the book interspersed with some things comments,out of an obligation to fill the space in between the quotes than out of any desire to communicate anything with anyone about myself or this book And I know different methods of self destruction but none as intense as sitting still by myself.I ve got some mixed feelings about this book.One on the one hand it s hilarious And then I think about some recent things going on around these parts of g Not so much a review, as a series of quotes from the book interspersed with some things comments,out of an obligation to fill the space in between the quotes than out of any desire to communicate anything with anyone about myself or this book And I know different methods of self destruction but none as intense as sitting still by myself.I ve got some mixed feelings about this book.One on the one hand it s hilarious And then I think about some recent things going on around these parts of goodreads and I think, isn t this just a funnier version of some of the bullshit we ve been seeing lately I couldn t let current events cloud my ratings, though, so I went with my gut and gave it four stars because if I had read this at another time I would havethoroughly enjoyed it I hate my head.And if you don t hate yourself, no one will.And your broken skull is not a puzzle, it s just garbage.So be ugly for me or I will hammer a nail into your ear.You re pathetic and I draw the world on your face before I step on it.I put the shit that comes out of your mouth beneath your nose.I sit in my room and cut circles out of the dark and throw them beneath you, hoping hoping hoping hoping hoping that you will fall somewhere I don t even know about, somewhere I couldn t even reach my hand into if I wanted.Because you are afraid to die.Because you haven t begun to make it necessary yet.Because your whole life is a fucking coloring book.Please change your mind.I was here first.Hilarious, right A sunburned homeless man came up to me yesterday and showed me his forearm There was gaping would along the bone, barely held together by office staples The wound leaked clear liquid I gave him what was in my pockets 70 cents That was probably enough to buystaples Enough to keep his wound somewhat cured And me I m so great it hurts.That one really spoke to me, being so self righteous and all It s like this guy just gets me Sometimes I just want to give myself a great big hug because I m so great of a person The desire to give myself a great big hug I believes cancels out all the times I think about doing awful things to other people You know you re truly alone when you feel the need to tell someone abut a nap you recently took.Fucking shit I usually tell Karen every time I spent some of the day napping What is my life turning into But really do you think there is something wrong with a person when sometimes the high point of their day off is a toss up between fighting on the internet with strangers, doing laundry or taking a nap I don t think so either Usually those days off end with learning better techniques at punching someone in the face Come to think of it punching things really hard is the high point of those days, unless I get to kick things really hard, too Then it s kicking things Kicking is fun When I get to hell I will save you a seat.When you get to hell I will act like i don t know you.Ok, so maybe this isn t all that hilarious, or maybe it says something about me that I found this book very funny while reading it I m not quite sure where the humor is at this moment though, maybe the absurd part of my brain is shut down for the evening Maybe I m just thinking that there is something wrong with me for being drawn to the depressive pitying violence of this book And I hope we meet again so you can guess how old I am by the rings around my eyes and I hope we meet again so I can judge how much I ve died according to your limp smile.Karen s review was better I don t think I used any passages she did But if I did just chalk it up as another failure

  3. Mike Kleine says:

    I began reading a random page out loud and everyone in the room made faces At first, they asked me if it was something I had written.I said, No And then I added, This is by Sam Pink, not me So they asked me, Who the f is Sam Pink And I said Sam Pink is a new author I am trying out I read a couplepages from the book and now all my friends want I AM GOING TO CLONE MYSELF THEN KILL THE CLONE AND EAT IT.I said Yes, to them but really, I know I will never give them I AM GOING TO I began reading a random page out loud and everyone in the room made faces At first, they asked me if it was something I had written.I said, No And then I added, This is by Sam Pink, not me So they asked me, Who the f is Sam Pink And I said Sam Pink is a new author I am trying out I read a couplepages from the book and now all my friends want I AM GOING TO CLONE MYSELF THEN KILL THE CLONE AND EAT IT.I said Yes, to them but really, I know I will never give them I AM GOING TO CLONE MYSELF THEN KILL THE CLONE AND EAT IT because I need to frame it above my headboard.And then I need to video tape my face And put it on a loop, at the foot of my bed

  4. Donald Armfield says:

    You re walking by a cemetery, and you think, oh yeah that s right When you read this Sam Pink book you start to say what the fuck am I reading You read it aloud to someone and they look at you like you are brushing your teeth with a toliet brush.A hope for a bus to kill you, Will you move in with Sam Pink An incomplete list of things to be reincarnated as To envy the moon with such anger Trips to the library but not for books Genital Mutilation with an unwanted item Sam Pink is a bizarre You re walking by a cemetery, and you think, oh yeah that s right When you read this Sam Pink book you start to say what the fuck am I reading You read it aloud to someone and they look at you like you are brushing your teeth with a toliet brush.A hope for a bus to kill you, Will you move in with Sam Pink An incomplete list of things to be reincarnated as To envy the moon with such anger Trips to the library but not for books Genital Mutilation with an unwanted item Sam Pink is a bizarre man, but I love it His blurps of how much it sucks and how much he loves it will give you some unforgettable laughter.Selfish Asshole I was straight out laughing I can t put my mouth over your cat s head and just stand there while it scratched my face I couldn t pick a scab and put it in your strawberry jelly Don t leave your window open for this guy.Things That Details a Trip To The Supermarket Straight out hilarious

  5. Justin Day says:

    This book was a shattered collection of interesting thoughts arranged for your reading pleasure No plot or any of that stuff to get in the way, just straight weirdness from Sam Pink, and I really enjoyed reading it, as I have enjoyed other books by him.Reading this book is like sitting on a cold metal stoop in the middle of some unknown city in winter and trying to put together a broken mirror with bare hands so you can see yourself again because you forgot what you look like 5 5 stars Bring This book was a shattered collection of interesting thoughts arranged for your reading pleasure No plot or any of that stuff to get in the way, just straight weirdness from Sam Pink, and I really enjoyed reading it, as I have enjoyed other books by him.Reading this book is like sitting on a cold metal stoop in the middle of some unknown city in winter and trying to put together a broken mirror with bare hands so you can see yourself again because you forgot what you look like 5 5 stars Bring Bandaids

  6. Zadignose says:

    This is a mixed bag, and it has some gems in it Apologies for using the phrase mixed bag in onereview, but it s apt Some parts feel proto Pink they are a strong pointer to how Pink would later develop as a writer It s a good book for completionists, but if you haven t read Pink yet, you could do well to leap into one of his later novellas, and his latest paired set, The Garbage Times White Ibis is something you should get to quickly Later you can come back to this for quality shor This is a mixed bag, and it has some gems in it Apologies for using the phrase mixed bag in onereview, but it s apt Some parts feel proto Pink they are a strong pointer to how Pink would later develop as a writer It s a good book for completionists, but if you haven t read Pink yet, you could do well to leap into one of his later novellas, and his latest paired set, The Garbage Times White Ibis is something you should get to quickly Later you can come back to this for quality shorts such as Seven Versions of the Same Version and Thing that Details a Trip to the Supermarket If Pink had been a part of the poetry and prose reading group in Albuquerque that I once frequented, he d be the star for sure It would be exciting to see a 24 year old Pink stealing the show But today he s a star of another caliber

  7. Jason says:

    I ve interviewed Sam Pink, I ve exchanged several e mails with Sam Pink, I ve read his stories on line, I have read his blog and I have even read marveled at his artwork, yet as I read through his debut collection, I don t know if I know anythingabout Mr Pink then when I started Much of his book is written in first person, but I find myself asking what person At first glance this is a series of surface exchanges, mundane encounters filtered through a slightly damaged mind, but as the br I ve interviewed Sam Pink, I ve exchanged several e mails with Sam Pink, I ve read his stories on line, I have read his blog and I have even read marveled at his artwork, yet as I read through his debut collection, I don t know if I know anythingabout Mr Pink then when I started Much of his book is written in first person, but I find myself asking what person At first glance this is a series of surface exchanges, mundane encounters filtered through a slightly damaged mind, but as the brief stories begin to build certain images repeat and develop However, you don t know if these images are a character or the real man behind the persona.The I that fills the 168 pages of Clone is lonely, angry, confused, and experiencing life at a pace and in a location that he has not chosen You feel as though you are reading a diary or somehow ready every thought of this troubled person Yet, you are strangely comforted by an odd sense of humor and moments so awkward that they make you smile and look around the room to see if anyone may be watching Despite all of that you still don t know if this I is the writer or just a reoccurring figure in these puzzling poems I AM GOING TO CLONE MYSELF THEN KILL THE CLONE AND EAT IT was published by Barry Graham and was the first book on his Paper Hero Press imprint It is extremely well crafted and an interesting look at the work and world of one of the most secretive writers in independent lit

  8. Gwendolyn Jerris says:

    i don t want to talk about the writing but why was this the saddest book ever and why would anyone recommend this to a heartbroken drowning girl beyond me it s pretty okay.

  9. Ani Smith says:

    It s the kind of thing you need to read a few times, like old poetry, only less boring Seemingly disconnected short bits, long bits, prose poetry, plays But not that you feel jostled from one thing to the nextlike thinking, where this thought naturally but unpredictably maybe leads to that one Engrossing imagery that sticks to the inside of your eyelids Darkness handled with the innocence, lightness, the awakening curiosity of an eight year old boy One of those precocious ones that It s the kind of thing you need to read a few times, like old poetry, only less boring Seemingly disconnected short bits, long bits, prose poetry, plays But not that you feel jostled from one thing to the nextlike thinking, where this thought naturally but unpredictably maybe leads to that one Engrossing imagery that sticks to the inside of your eyelids Darkness handled with the innocence, lightness, the awakening curiosity of an eight year old boy One of those precocious ones that knows too much I can t say enough good about this book without making myself a little sick It s like a fucked up Easter egg hunt and I m scarfing too many chocolate bunnies Just in time for Spring Even the cover surprises.Oh, P.S I interview the author here

  10. Jason Jordan says:

    Sam Pink has a way with words, to put it mildly Much of I Am Going to Clone Myself Then Kill the Clone and Eat It is humorous due to its outright zaniness Pink s lines about intestines are especially funny I will donate my organs provided that my large intestine undamaged will be used as a snorkel 37 , and I bet a large intestine filled with marbles would be a good or even great weapon 41 But, I do wish there werestories a la 7 Versions of the Same Version and Conversation Sam Pink has a way with words, to put it mildly Much of I Am Going to Clone Myself Then Kill the Clone and Eat It is humorous due to its outright zaniness Pink s lines about intestines are especially funny I will donate my organs provided that my large intestine undamaged will be used as a snorkel 37 , and I bet a large intestine filled with marbles would be a good or even great weapon 41 But, I do wish there werestories a la 7 Versions of the Same Version and Conversation